If I have learned anything from being a mom for six years, it is to have low expectations. Each one of my pregnancies were conceived a different way and they all made me feel different, physically and emotionally. All postpartum experiences have been completely unlike the others. Most things that go well probably won't go just like that again and every time you'll learn something new. If you can accept that and embrace the suck (because it will happen), then you'll be okay!
My third baby was born almost 3 months ago, and I am definitely the most confident and secure this time around. Fortunately, Carson fit right into our family and has been a pretty easy-going and happy baby. Aside from the baby, we still have two bigger kids that we have to manage, and each of them have their own unique schedules and experiences, and that's the part that is throwing me for a loop.
Our oldest has a strict schedule that sets the tone for most days. Waking up at a certain time to get to school on time, picking her up from the bus, snacks, dance, dinner, homework, taking showers and still finding time to play and be a 6 year old. The 2 year old is in full-time daycare but was sick most of the months July to October. The poor kid has been to the doctor more times than I can count and has seen multiple specialists outside of his AMAZING pediatrician - ENT, Allergist and Pulmonologist. He was even admitted to the hospital for about 36 hours when the baby was only 3 weeks old. He will have surgery in December to put in a 2nd set of ear tubes and to remove his adenoids - we are looking very forward to this surgery! I attribute Carson's easy-going personality to how much he's had to be towed around to his sibling's appointments, rehearsals and events.
That's just the kids...add housework and my marriage into the mix and holy crap it's a lot!!
I am DEFINITELY not an expert.
I haven't read any of the parenting books.
I don't research anything.
I think that's part of my impulsive and instant gratification personality. I will look for quick videos or tidbits of information that I can apply to myself and my family then see what happens. What have I found to be my secret?
Care less.
I don't mean that I don't care what's going on around me or I let everything go to shit. I have learned to prioritize WHAT I care about and in the simplest of terms, that is for my kids are taken care of and have childhood memories that they look back on and are fond of. The amount of energy I was putting into things that didn't matter was getting in the way of the real goal. It caused me to lash out at my family for making a mess. To me, mess = anxiety trigger. Frankly, I don't have the mental capacity to be mad anymore. So what happened, how did I care less?
I started saying yes more, even when it was uncomfortable.
My daughter wants to build a fort, okay. We can fold the blankets and put the chairs back when they're finished. It wasn't "just a fort" - it became an activity with friends, space for imagination, creativity, hosting parties and learning to communicate what they like and don't like.
My son wants to dump out an entire container of Little People and pull out 15 cars and play pretend, whatever. All of the figures go into one box and are easy to clean up when he's finished. He has learned the difference between certain types of vehicles, can match the figures to the correct vehicle, he started speaking more clearly while playing pretend, and he's learning to share.
Now I am finding myself inviting them to do things with me that I used to avoid. We have been baking cookies, bread, and biscuits. My daughter and I have started making Instagram reels together and I want to sit down have her read a story to me. My husband actually told me he's having to re-learn my triggers because he isn't sure when to step in and support me anymore. Before he would see the kids starting to do something and would try to stop it before it became a mess as a way to protect me and protect the peace in the house. My husband is incredibly supportive and an amazing father...I'll save that for another post!
Caring less somehow has reduced my anxiety. My house is often not put together, but we're getting into a groove and enjoying each other. Don't get me wrong, there are still plenty of days that we are counting down the hours until bedtime, but that doesn't take away from the goal. My kids are still taken care of, and we made memories that day. Being intentional with my actions towards my kids and family is healing a part of me that I didn't know was in need of attention, and that's an incredible bonus.
If you are in a season of life where you feel like everything is overwhelming, there aren't enough hours in the day, and you're striving for perfection, I encourage you to try to care a little less. Live in the uncomfortable and see what kind of beauty you can find that you were missing out on all along. It's really not that serious. You can do it, sis!
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